“Nowadays, most of the time, I feel like I don’t have anything to do” - I told my wife. She raised her eyebrows and frowned at me - thinking that, here comes another classic conversation!
I asked her, “Have you ever felt that way? Having nothing to do?”
She started with a word of caution and said, “No!”. She continued, “How can I be like that, and you see me running around all the times, with kids and stuff”
I intervened, “It is not about you or your action, It is a strange feeling I get very often recently. I used to get many a times before and I wanted to sit down on it and analyze why and what was causing this.
She calmed down and put on her shrink hat, “ OK! What time that type of feeling comes to you?”
“Most of the times, even today just an hour ago. I finished my morning gym and came back and didn’t know what to do and slept! When I woke up I don’t know what to do”.
“Oh! you are referring to your inactivity and sleep pattern, then I understand and agree with you. You are pathetic when it comes to do some work for the people around you and excel in sleeping at any time” - She got into her groove.
“Yes, Dada - mamma is right, you sleep all the time” - My daughter said without even raising her head from her math homework.
I wanted to have a sincere conversation on some strong feelings and ended up in the process of defending my sanity.
“Ok, Let me try to explain it a bit better. Have you even been to a library or a book shop and did not know what to look for! or have you even sat in an airport or a train station, where everyone else is buzzing around and you have no need to move your muscle?”
Both my wife and daughter were a bit more confused, I continued.
“I don’t know how to explain that feeling! I just have nothing. The emptiness and the feeling of absolute Zero”
My wife was murmuring, “Sounds like an advertisement pitch for a tax software”
I don’t know how many people have that. I used to feel this way. At work, at shops and at any given part of my life. I even used to feel this way when I was playing a game. My curiosity always was like to see what others are doing in that situation. Even when I go on a business trip, I get the question of what I’m going to do? and while going for an office meeting - what exactly is my ply in that meeting!!
I thought of trying to observe and narrate during my trip to india that very evening.
When I was sitting this evening in Virgin Atlantic lounge in Newark airport, I saw people coming like bees, moving around, have a very specific requirement such as how fried should their french fries be. In addition they were busy charging their phone, talking to someone or having a conversation for an obvious thing. One guy was talking to an employee there on how to get to Gate 52 and is it better to take the escalator or an elevator. On a separate but related note, we were sitting right across Gate 52. I found that interesting. On the screen, they were talking about the upcoming GOP debate and how Donald J Trump is crushing others. I was sitting there for two hours doing nothing and asking nothing.
When we started flying, I was again falling into the emptiness. I usually carry a notebook, and I used to write stories, some rudimentary poetry or try to scribble some caricatures - but this time, did nothing. I opened the computer - didn’t feel like doing anything and closed it. To my left there two women, presumably well known, as a lot of people were smiling at them and even the captain came out of his cabin to greet them. They were rumbling with the attendants, how they were troubled that no one had helped them carrying their baggages inside the plane. There was a bit of a commotion and everyone pitched in explaining their two cents.
I picked up a magazine, and could not relate to the rhetoric of Rahul Gandhi and whatever in that article are talking about his growth! One funny thing was they had a graph of popularity for the prime minister Narendra Modi and Opposition leader Rahul Gandhi. The graph on the left was showing a steady decline pattern and the one the right for Rahul showed a steep increase in popularity. On a closer look, the left side Y axis was from zero to 100 and Mr. Modi was slipping from 80% approval to 69% approval; on the right side, the same axis scale was from zero to 20 and Mr. Gandhi was growing from 7% to 20% - I just couldn’t control my laughter. I wished the person who wrote this should have had the same feeling as mine and should have kept quiet and slept instead.
We reached Brussels and an another opportunity to see a sleepy european city; absolutely nobody in the airport at that time other than few tall, caucasian women talking and laughing loudly. As I got near the transit lounge, there appeared four women wearing saree uniformly and with a polite curtness. “Sir, you can sit on this side and here is the wi-fi password, and can pick up your breakfast from this place and We’ll announce whenever the wording is ready” - I looked around the whole lounge was empty, but was still worried of repercussion, sat in the same seat she was pointing to. The moment I sat, all four of them stated looking into their computers - I wished that they can also get to my mode of not doing anything!
When I landed Mumbai, the very first step out of the aircraft, I could smell India; Every country has its own smell, which is very visible when you step into the airport. Belgium had a stark, whitish chocolate smell, Most of the american airports welcome you with a cinnamon and a over roasted coffee smell. Likewise India has a hottest, humid pungency in its ether. That smell hits you first and then embrace you and all you had done is accepting and merging into it. The airport was built really well, but somehow lacked the commercial buzz. They had recreated a gigantic open government hall with very little lighting and jaded colors. You have a few chairs randomly for no particular reason, where you can spot an airport employee snoozing. This might be a skewed observation, as you always land there in an off time. On the same token, you won’t see this in middle eastern airport hubs, where almost all the employees are from the indian sub-continent. With this I saw few of my fellow country men have nothing to do as well!
As I got transferred from the international to the domestic side of the airport, the fun began. As always I took a corner seat and started observing. Even at 1:00 hours in the morning, that place was full of action. I could see a young kid, dressed (may be over dressed) really well was shouting “Kolkata, Kolkata” - and you can see he is calling out for people who had to board the Kolkata bound plane, which was supposed to leave by 1:30 AM. At every counter there were a bunch of kids, dressed uniformly (with Jet airways coat/suit matchup). I saw a guy standing before me for the coffee machine, with his ear plugs on and might be listening to something. He got his coffee and went to his seat, and started singing loudly - without realizing his ear buds.
Another person walked up to the sitting area, resembled an FBI agent, with a hat and a long coat - who in this holy world wear a swollen coat who it was 30 deg Celsius outside - and he also had his headphones on, but he was constantly talking to someone on the other side. mind that it was around 1:30 AM and I was really worried for the person on the other side. His conversation was on till we boarded the flight roughly at 2:30 AM. Everyone coming in were super busy, talking to someone, working on their laptops - looking at a colorful excel sheet or staring at their mobile phone. Then I heard the sound “Chennai, Chennai…” Looked down and another kid dressed exactly the same shouting. I started walking towards gate 14; Hmm..this kid is not like me; he has a purpose!!
Now I had too..to catch the chennai express.
